Humans thrive on connection. Being able to communicate, commiserate, and relate to one another bonds us. They make us feel part of a larger community. Whether it’s with your family, friends, or society as a whole, there’s no doubt we all do things for the sake of fitting in. We all ‘follow the crowd’ at some point or another.
Going along with the group is a protective action. It makes us feel accepted, understood, and even valued in some ways. Of course, it’s also important to speak your mind and have your own opinions, but on some occasions, conforming can be comforting. There is one instance in particular however in which ‘fitting in’ not only hurts you but also those around you. Engaging in Fat Talk.
![FAT TALK: End the Conversation...a discussion from @Healthy_Helper on HealthyHelperBlog.com [body image, self love, mental health, shame, weight, diet, scale, fat, body, body love, self acceptance]](https://i1.wp.com/healthyhelperblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/FAT-TALK-1.png?resize=533%2C798)
No, not just Fat Talk. Body shaming, self-deprecation, the judging of other people’s bodies, and any analysis of yourself or another person based on physical appearance. Fat Talk is rampant in our society. Whether it’s chatting with girlfriends about how your thighs have out grown your favorite pair of skinny jeans or hearing your mom complain about the weight she’s gained post-menopause. Women are especially ravaged by it and it’s not uncommon for them to use it as a form of social bonding and intimacy. Something about decrying our bodies and having others return with their own self-critiques makes us feel accepted. It makes us feel like we are less alone.
In fact, it’s not too often that a negative comment someone makes about their body is met with silence. People even view those who don’t engage in Fat Talk as pompous or arrogant. As if not feeling badly about yourself is crime and means you feel like you’re above those around you. Quite the opposite. Not engaging in the Fat Talk with those around you could be the most positive thing you could do for them.
Contrary to what you may think, Fat Talk is not motivating. It doesn’t provoke change in how we care for or treat our bodies. It doesn’t make us want to be healthier, love our bodies more, or take healthy actions. It only serves to perpetuate the negative emotions we feel surrounding our appearance.
Fat Talk fosters eating disorders, does nothing for our already diminished self esteems, and reinforces the negative opinions that the people we love have about themselves. By participating in Fat Talk, you are not only actively degrading your own body, but you are confirming that what those around you are saying about theirs is true. Don’t feel like you need counter their comments with pleas of their falsity, however. The best thing you can do yourself and for your friends is to STOP ENGAGING in Fat Talk.
So here’s what I propose. Stop toeing the line. Disengage from the usual body shaming that takes place among your friends. Take a moment, think about your response to a negative body comment they’ve made, and make a concerted effort to CHANGE THE CONVERSATION. Move towards self-love and body acceptance. Discuss things that empower and inspire you. Redefine the compliments you give. Train your brain to start focusing the good in others and in yourself. The less you focus on your exterior the more room you have in your mind to cultivate your passions, learn about the world around you, and explore new topics you’ve yet to discover.
I’m not saying to totally disassociate with your body. Instead, form a new connection with it. A healthy, thriving one that will bolster your physical and mental well-being. Our bodies are amazing. Without them, we wouldn’t have a home for everything we are as people. How can we be so miserably ashamed of something that does so much for us on a daily basis? Now’s the time to make a change. With a bit of mindfulness you can break free from the restrictive chains that society has set for you and ban the presence of Fat Talk in your life.
I am making a concerted effort to be more positive about myself and others in my daily life. I often struggle with negative self talk and I admit I’ve sat by while others do it in front of me. Well, that is no more. We can do this, friends. It’s time to stop hating ourselves for what makes us US. I am not saying you have to be in love with yourself…but at least work towards acceptance. Or better yet, indifference. You HAVE a body….you are not your body. So just live. Just be.
No specific questions for today…just think about how this applies in your own life and leave your thoughts in the comments below! I look forward to hearing what you think.
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Great great post Kalia. I feel like more awareness needs to be brought to this topic. We need to stop engaging in fat talk and put an end to it all!
Thank you so much Alyssa!!
Preach, sister! Well said. This is important especially for raising a generation of women who think about the positive things about their bodies rather than the negative.
Thanks Kaylin!! Happy you support the message!
“How can we be so miserably ashamed of something that does so much for us on a daily basis?” <– YES!
This is a great reminder, Kaila. I am self-deprecating by nature, but I have made a conscious effort not to talk this way. It just fuels negative feelings.
Body shaming – of any kind – hurts us all.
YES! It certainly does. Whether it’s towards ourselves or towards others!
This is great Kaila. Such an important topic. I agree its time we “changed the conversation.” Enough is enough. Women need to help each other change our perspectives.
Thank you so much for reading, Alicia!
Well said! I love the drawing. It reminds me of myself on some days. When I’m feeling down, it usually cheers me up to think about all the things I can do and how far I can run or how much I can lift.
I love that idea! Focusing on the positive is always a good thing!
I have a couple friends that every now and then pick apart themselves, even though it’s in a light hearted fun way. I usually ignore it rather than encouraging the conversation to continue. It’s tough to think that we still all think this way about ourselves, even the most confident of people.
Yes I have a lot of friends like that too. That approach it in a way that makes it seems lighthearted, but I’ve come to learn that ANY fat talk (or negative body talk in general) can be harmful…no matter what form it takes and no matter what tone it’s said in. 🙁
Amen for posts like this. Sometimes we don’t even think about the power of our words and what they represent, but by engaging in fat talk we’re adding fuel to a fire that desperately needs to be put the eff out! Great post Kaila
Thank you so much Cayanne! 🙂
Seriously girl you need a youtube channel, I’m just imagining how even more compelling these amazing empowering posts would be in person! This is one of those things that I am really grateful for having gone through an eating disorder for because I am so much more aware of fat talk and just how damaging and prevalent it is. Prevalent even in my own family, and it drives me crazy. I’ve really tried to change the conversation, bring up the fact that it’s really negative and degrading, but it hasn’t really worked. So that’s when I realize that I can only be in control of my own thoughts and actions and work doubly hard to be on my body’s side and mentally positive myself. Really really wonderful post, I relate to it so much <3
YES!!! The family thing!! It is so FRUSTRATING hearing your own family members talk badly about themselves. But luckily, it’s something I no longer take part in and I actually call people on when I hear it. It’s definitely in their best interest to make them aware of how they are negatively viewing and discussing their physical features.
Yes yes yes and yes! This is such an important point and you covered it perfectly! We all need to look after ourselves – but also need to look after eachother!
There’s nothing positive about picking on anyone’s perceived “flaws” or differences!
Totally agree! Nothing good can come of talking negatively about ourselves or each other.
I’m totally with you. You know, my friends and I used to spend hours talking about what was wrong with our bodies. Or you’d almost feel like you had to put yourself down to try to get a compliment and get someone to change your mind about yourself. But all those changes had to happen within. In the last year or so, I’ve noticed that I have steered conversations away from weight and body image and I’ve even left coffee with a friend thinking to myself “wow, we didn’t even talk about our bodies or how fat we feel or whatever”. It’s so nice not to be focusing on that anymore! Great post!
That is so good to hear Marsha! There are so many other better, more important, more PRODUCTIVE things to chat about than our bodies! 🙂
Love this! We really need to change the conversation. So well put, Kaila!
Thank you so much for reading, Rebecca!
Such a great post! I am so guilty of doing this –especially when it comes to complaining about how my skinny jeans don’t fit. It’s not healthy or motivating in the slightest.
Definitely not healthy or motivating! It just brings people down!
great post especially as I’m having a fat day x #brillblogposts
Oh don’t say that lovely! Today is a GOOD day.
Kaila – this is such an important message. We tend to talk about our fat, imperfections and what we do or don’t eat constantly. And it is getting so BORING, not to mention destructive. So glad you posted this. Good job!
Thanks Cathy! I am glad this important message reached you!
This is on point. Not only is it destructive to our view of ourselves, but it is showing young girls that they should be ashamed of their bodies if there is something”different” about it. If we want to stop the next generation of girls from feeling like they have to expose everything on instagram just to get likes from 5,000 people to feel better about themselves, then we need to start with ourselves! Our bodies are wonderfully made <3
YES YES YES. Love that last line!
Yes, this is all part of self love and treating your body like a temple.
Exactly!!!
What an awesome article. Enjoyed reading every sentence, thank you for writing this. The fat talk has been something I have been sprinting away from since childhood. Either you are too skinny, muscular, chubby whatever. I also had scoliosis and got comments on my crooked spine, even from family members!
Love following your blog dear, keep it coming!
xoxo
Deniza
I am so happy you liked the post, Deniza! Thanks for reading!
Great post, Kaila! I have chosen this as one of my featured favs from last week’s Thursday Favorite Things Blog Hop. I will be featuring you on my site this week.
Thank you so much! I can’t wait!
Can I just extend a HUGE virtual hug for this? YES, WOW. I am so thankful that God, by His grace, has given me so much freedom to cut so much of the fat talk that was in my own life. I noticed especially that it was starting to affect people I loved. WOW, that was a huge wake-up call and a good one. Now I really steer away from any diet/fat/health talk, and spending more time with my family in Jesus is so much more relaxing and wonderful. <3 <3
I will gladly accept that hug. 🙂
this post got my attention straight away. Thank you for sharing at the Thursday Favorite Things blog hop. Watch for your feature tomorrow xo
So welcome! I am glad you stopped by to read it!
I am the mother, of a 16 year old girl. And I agree that this conversation needs to end. I hate seeing her depressed about her weight, at this age they’ve just started their periods and everything is in flux. It’s hard to tell her and make her understand that her body is changing, and soon it will change again and she will thin out to a more womanly shape.
Now that I’m older, there are so many things in life that are more important to talk about than my weight. But when I was younger this was definitely a topic of conversation, often. Isn’t it sad that when we’re young and have more energy we are still worried about things that won’t bother us as much and 10 years? Weight, is dependent on so many things. It’s so sad that we women let it affect our self-worth.
YES!! 16 can be such a trying age. I wish you the best of luck in helping your daughters through it. I can tell you’re an amazing mother though and I know you’ll be able to handle it well! Wishing them well too!
This is such a great post Kaila. It’s so easy to develop unhealthy thoughts, we need to constantly re-evaluate and remind ourselves of the positive things about ourselves. Sharing this on Twitter, Pinterest and StumbleUpon.
Thank you so much Lindsey! I really appreciate the support!
I’m so glad to read this, it couldn’t be more true, I hate the fat talk and yet I’m not fat, but hate women friend that start either “I’m fat, or I should diet, or I don’t look good in that cause I’m fat, etc, etc…HATE IT TOO!”
Thank you so much, from now on I will not participate.
Have a great week.
FABBY
YAY! That’s exactly what I want to hear! It’s time everyone ends these types of conversations!
So true! Speaking negative ideas will never do us any good! It reminds me of the truth in Luke 6:45… “What you say flows from what is in your heart.”
What a lovely passage!
I am very conscious of how I talk about the body and body image around my little girls. I want them to grow up loving their body no matter what. Being mindful of our language is so important. Thanks so much for sharing with us at Savoring Saturdays gluten free linky party.
That is so good that you’re being mindful about that while your girls are still young. They will certainly grow up in a positive, self-loving environment with a mom like you!!
Nice post. We are too judgemental of both ourselves and others. Saying some of these thing aloud really can be damaging.
Yes. Even saying them just to ourselves can be very harmful too! 🙁
Yes! We need more body positivity! Thanks for sharing at Merry Monday, hope to see you again next week!
I’ll be there! Love you linkup!
Totally pinning this!
During the time I was in recovery from an eating disorder, I confided in very few people, but I did confide in my boss. She said she would support me anyway should could and asked how I was doing…and then one day she came into our office and starting engaging in conversation with a coworker about how they were going to have a “fat club” and weigh themselves every week. I couldn’t believe her insensitivity, to me (given my background), but most especially with my coworker! It’s so sad not only that people feel the need to treat their bodies with shame and disgust, but that they feel the need to share and be validated in that shame and disgust. So thank you for your wise words and advice about how to move the conversation away.
Wow that is awful! I am so sorry you have to work in an environment like that! But like you said, now you’re equipped with what you need to CHANGE the conversation! In the long run, they’ll appreciate you for it!
Thank you! I am 68 and wish I had heard these words 50 or more years ago. I have been beating myself over the head my whole life and do not want to any longer. The habit is soooo ingrained, yet it can be broken with God’s help. Thank you for sharing this as other commenters have said…we need to raise the young generations coming up how they are loved and beautiful to God, the Creator. I am learning to remember this as well.
I am so happy this message found its way to you! It’s never too late to make positive body image changes!
Beautifully written. I feel like printing this out and handing it out to everyone I know 😉 And keeping a copy posted for myself somewhere to see every day. I admit to fat-talk for sure! I’m still recovering from being treated for an eating disorder and am having a hard time with how my body has changed. It is something I’m definitely working on and I’m so happy to see others feel the same way about how we need to work more towards positive talk and self-love =)
DO IT! I think printing this out is a brilliant idea! It’s something we all needed to be reminded of no matter what our past is!