An open dialogue on what is going on with me physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s time for me to listen to my own advice and make positive changes that will help me get my health and wellness under control.
While it’s a little late into the month to write a whole ‘monthly goals’ post, I am breaking that rule for my sanity’s sake. I hope you don’t mind the long text-based post ahead.
To be honest, friends, I am not doing well. As much as I try to keep personal business off the blog, there comes a point when things start to get so out of control that they affect my space here. That means it’s time to address things and be upfront.
For all those who have reached out and asked if I’m okay, offered words of encouragement, or questioned what is going on…I appreciate it more than you know. AND I owe you an apology. Yes, I’ve been vague. Yes, I’ve potentially come across as dramatic or self-centered (NOT my intention at all). But in truth…I’ve been suffering. I’ve been embarrassed and ashamed to talk about my struggles. And I really have not even had the proper words to respond to each of you individually to explain what’s going on. Part of that is because I DON’T REALLY KNOW.
I can’t pin point one thing that is causing all my health issues right now. aI always tell all of you to speak your truth, reach out for help, and don’t hold in what’s causing you issues in your own lives. So it’s my turn to do the same. I NEED to take my own advice. Here’s where we’re going to get very real and very honest….
I haven’t run in over 2 months. (I miss it more than anything in the world and I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back…I feel like a part of my identity is missing)
I have been struggling immensely with gastrointestinal issues (more on this soon…lots of testing be done currently).
My eating habits are out of control. (This is the big one…and the one I have the most shame around.)
Said eating habits have caused my depression and anxiety to worsen to a degree I didn’t think was possible.
I wake up every day dreading the day ahead and with an intense fear of what will come over the course of the next 24 hours.
My sleep cycles are awful. (I used to pride myself on going to bed at a reasonable time and waking up early to start a day of productivity.)
My mood swings are volatile.
I’ve been neglecting my friends and my relationships.
I don’t mean to throw all of this at you so abruptly. Know that I am seeking help where possible. There have been a slew of hospital stays and doctors appointments. And my friends and family are very aware of what is going on.
Needless to say, I just feel stuck. I’ve been stuck in a major downswing and I am still looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. From a summer that started as one of the BEST ones on record, I honestly don’t know what got me to this place. Was is a change in medications? Perhaps. An increase in stress do to a juggling work and school? Maybe. But who can really say.
All I know is I need to a make a change. Not one but SEVERAL. And they need to happen now. Because frankly, my body and mind cannot take the current amount of stress and torment they are under. It’s not fair to myself or any one around me.
So I’m making a plan. I’m making some goals. And I hope you don’t mind if I share a few of them here…
+go to bed by 11pm every night
+be up by 8:00am every morning
+eat WHOLE REAL NOURISHING FOODS (essentially go back to BASICS with my diet…there has been way too much packaged, processed foods/protein powders and bars/artificial sweeteners and diet foods)
+drink more water (I am so dehydrated all the time)
+work from 9-5 (I can’t tell you the last time I worked less than a 12 hour day…that is not normal, or fair…I need to take breaks)
+make time for my friends and family
+attend all doctors and therapy appointments I have planned (no more blowing off my health)
+rediscover my passions outside of fitness (unfortunately that cannot be my focus right now for myriad reasons…it’s time to find other things that bring me joy)
+limit artificial sweeteners (I’ve become addicted)
+focus on the GOOD things in my life: my INCREDIBLE job and the team I work with, my family, my friends, all the kindness and love I receive from all of you…to name a few things
I have to keep reminding myself that life is worth living…even when I get lost in very dark spaces.
This was a VERY hard post write, friends. It takes a lot to admit that you’ve fallen away from your usual way of living and need some help getting back on track. But I’m only human. This is only one season of my life. I KNOW (well at least I am telling myself that…fake it till you make it, right?) things will get better if I keep trying.
Thanks for letting me share this. Thank you for listening. Thank you for not giving up on me.
No questions today…I am just going to leave the comments open as a space for you to share anything that’s been on your mind or heart lately. <3Stay connected:Subscribe to Healthy HelperFacebook: Healthy HelperTwitter: @Healthy_HelperInstagram: HealthyHelperPinterest: Healthy_HelperBloglovin’: Healthy HelperGoogle+: Healthy HelperTumblr: Healthy Helper BlogSnapchat: KailaProulxWant to get FREE products for review and make money as a blogger? Check out Linqia!