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Working in the food industry, I am able to observe a lot of people and their relationship with food. From people who order freely, to those who pull out their phone right at the counter to log calories into My Fitness Pal. I see it all.
I hear mothers talking about calories in from of their impressionable daughters…fathers berating their sons for choosing a certain sandwich. And most commonly a sense of guilt, shame, and fear of judgement behind every order.
My favorite exchanges are with those people who are excited about their meal. Those that have trouble ordering because they see so many enticing options and possibilities. Those that start talking about how much they are looking for to their food long before they sit down.
However, and unfortunately, these conversations are few and far between. Whether or not I can blame it on the existence of visible calorie counts at my work place or a greater sense in society of needing to make ‘smarter choices’, not a shift goes by where at least one person doesn’t openly express guilt about their order, a few words about their diet, or how they are trying to be ‘good’.
Above all, the most common thing I notice is how people feel the need to justify their choices…as if they are being judged or looked down upon in some days. In reality, I respect people even more who come in with confidence in their order and don’t feel all the negative emotions around food that plague our society.
Some of the most common things I hear after an order are….
“might as well go big”—> when deciding to order dessert
“oh I shouldn’t, I’m trying to be good”—> when going back and forth between options
“oh I can’t afford that, I’m on a diet right now!”
“OMG 600 calories!”
“might as well have it since I am here!”
“man, the bakery always gets me!”
“I am so hungry”—>trying to justify all the food they’ve ordered
“I usually don’t order this much!”
It disheartens me so much and makes me feel so helpless when people start off a meal, something that should be fun and enjoyable, with such pessimism. Exchanges like this just go to show how flawed our societies thinking around food has become. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for making healthy choices. But in the instance that you don’t, you shouldn’t feel guilty about it.
We all have our moments of ‘weakness’…and I hate to even call it that because there really should be no emotional attachment around food….but we all have times when we don’t stick with our usual healthy choices and want to indulge a bit. And THAT’S OKAY! Heck, it’s NORMAL and HEALTHY!
We can’t be perfect all the time and we strive for 100% clean eating we fall into rigid food traps and orthorexic tendencies. I guess what’s trying to say is cut yourself some slack. Especially when out in public where you never know how your words or actions in regards to food are affecting others.
It happens far too often that I see parents coming in with their kids and talking about what they should and shouldn’t be eating. Parents literally discussing how many calories are in their and their children’s orders right at the register. This hyper focus on calories is what breeds eating disorders, bad body images, and disordered eating habits.
One scene that really sticks out in my mind is when a father and his adult son came in. The controlling father made his son reorder his entire meal, saying that he was too chubby to be eating so much and that he was only to have a salad. Meanwhile, the father ordered whatever he wanted. The son’s voice shook and wavered as he changed his order. He was visibly embarrassed. Talk about FOOD SHAMING!
All I can say is normal eating doesn’t involve so much thinking, attachments, or considerations. Order what you’re going to order or eat what you’re going to eat with confidence and conviction.
If anything, working in the food industry has shown me that more people than you think, and even those you wouldn’t expect, have strained relationships with food.
So what are your thoughts?
Do you feel judgment when you order certain things in public?
Do you tailor your meals to fit a certain persona around others?
Do you think ‘food shaming’ exists?
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37 responses to “Food Observations”
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Great post Kaila! I know for me I always felt bad asking for “special” requests… Like if something had dairy in it or asking to hold the mayo or put dressing on the side. It’s true most restaurant meals can be calorie bombs, and I would consciously ask for those things to cut back on calories to reduce anxiety over a meal. But really, I don’t go out to eat enough at those kind of places to warrant bring anxious about it. I think if you only go out once in awhile you should have what you really want and not be worried.
That story about the son and father is terrible! 🙁
Thanks Bri! From the perspective of someone in the food industry, I don’t even mind people’s special requests anymore! Everyone is so different and has different wants/needs so I never judge when someone’s order is a little more complicated.
I agree that this is becoming a problem in society. I think this justification extends to things like exercise, rest and “guilty pleasures” too. I wrote about something similar a while ago and I think we have the right- and should have the confidence- to act without always justifying our decisions. Some days we eat more, some days we aren’t as hungry. Plain and simple.
You’re right! This mentality can be seen in a lot of different areas of life!
I think food shaming definitely exists. Honestly, when I am ordering food I never feel guilty about what I am ordering. If it’s healthy then I am doing it for myself and if it’s not healthy, I know it’s not and I am not ashamed because that might be the first time I had junk in a LONG time. I think the biggest thing is how we act about food around our kids. They look up to us so much, and so many times we might not even realize the type of impression we are making on them.
I agree! Kids are so impressionable and its so easy for them to form disordered habits with food if they see it being done around them.
Great post! I have something similar in draft right now, with more a focus on food guilt. I hate people having to justify things they eat. What you eat is a personal choice!
I’ll be interested to read your post!
As someone with a digestive disorder who eats extremely healthfully, and didn’t drink in college, I have had to learn to get incredibly comfortable with with the way that I eat vs how other people eat. Far be it from me to judge how other people eat!
Great post!! Once I started embracing this lifestyle and making healthier food choices I guess I was the first one of my group of friends. I was always the “Healthy” one and I sometimes was anxious when eating out with them. I did feel I had to justify my choices. Now they have joined my train but you are so right to say that a huge number of people are concerned about food in some way or another!!
That’s awesome that you’ve inspired your friends to adopt healthier habits!
Great post! As an RD I’m judged verbally or with unapproving looks all the time! Whether it’s when I’m eating a perceived “bad food” or eating “really healthy” the effects are similar
That must be tough to deal with! Its like you cant win!
Wow! What an interesting topic!
It’s weird that it’s so common to hear all of those comments at a restaurant, and I never would have really noticed it until it is pointed out so clearly. Food shaming is definitely prevalent in every culture, and I often feel guilty for certain orders. Thanks for bringing it up 🙂
Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
This is such an interesting post. I think I go through cycles of eating well and then sometimes not caring. So I can be really liberal and feel totally fine about eating whatever or sometimes I scrutinize my choices a ton. When I was at my heaviest though, I was often very conscientious of what I would order out, especially with dining companions. I would feel embarrassed about ordering something really unhealthy because I didn’t want them to judge me. It’s pretty sad because most people don’t even notice what you order or eat or don’t care either way, but it’s just another negative thing you might be self-imposing. It’s interesting how hard we can be on ourselves and each other.
Yes, I agree. We could all stand to be a little more gentle and kind with ourselves.
I hear statements like these all the time – from family members, friends, people at the next table. It’s a sad truth of our society that there is so much shame associated with food, rather than an understanding of how to enjoy food while maintaining an overall healthy diet. Great post on a thought-provoking topic.
Thank you Jessica!
I totally agree with you, Kaila! Food is fuel. It shouldn’t be judged or over-thought. The more people obsess over what, when, where they will eat the more unnatural the task of feeding oneself properly becomes! I think it’s important to remember that we, as humans, are born with an innate intuition about proper nutrition. Children are the best example! When parents allow children to eat intuitively, they eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re full, even when they see something like a treat! I always keep this analogy in my mind.
Yes we have so much to RElearn from kids!!
Food shaming is real. I’m not sure when it started but just like worry about others’ reaction to our appearance it’s the same with food. Too much? Too little? Too ‘unhealthy’? Too …? We all -should- stop caring but I’m convinced at least in our teens, twenties – or any age we let media influence us too much – most of us do.
The topic as you’re approaching it here is too broad for me to take either side. It’s such a laden issue. Laden with feelings, with questions, with insecurity on how to handle it. I have to say I don’t see this – or at least not that I could remember an instance – around here but I’m still sure it happens. The scene with the son and dad you’re describing is both sad but I also can’t help to think that sometimes parents do have a point in helping their kids make better choices. However, I agree with you it should NOT happen in public to avoid the embarrassment.
It’s important to find that place where we know what we need and can shut out all snarky comments. Not an easy task and one that requires practice and trust in our inner voice but it’s worth it.
Thanks for your insight! I agree this is a difficult topic to discuss! And i like your perspective on the fact that parents do sometimes have their kids best interest in mind.
It definitely exists and is so sad. Everyone is different and each person’s meal is an individual choice. No one else knows what else is going on in their life at that particular moment and why they are choosing to eat what they are. It’s their decision.
I agree! To each their own!! 🙂
This is a great post! It’s interesting to see things from the restaurant’s point of view. Sometimes I feel judged and other times I don’t – it depends who I’m eating with and where I’m eating. Most restaurants are really accommodating when I make special requests these days, so that’s not too much of an issue anymore. But sometimes when I’m out with certain family members they ridicule me for ordering salad, or skipping the bun on a burger, and then other times if I’m out and choosing to indulge I get the whole “but you’re a personal trainer!!!’ thing. You can never win 😉
Exactly! Someone will always judge no matter what you choose. We all have to learn to jist be more secure with our decisions!
This is such a great post!! And so true. I think that especially women feel the need to justify being big eaters, as if society is expecting women to only eat rabbit-sized portions of veggies for every meal. I know especially as a curvy woman that I always feel awkward ordering dessert, as if everyone is going to look at me and go “Ohhh…that’s why she’s not thinner.” Recently, however, I’ve made a conscious effort to stop caring. I love food; it’s probably one of my main hobbies, and there is nothing wrong, as you said, with enjoying your meal! If I eat dessert and someone judges, so be it. At least I’ll be happy.
Taylor
acupoftay.com
I love your attitude! Basically FOOD RULES. And I love to enjoy it, so that’s exactly what I do! Here’s to not caring what others think about our choices! 🙂
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I’m so guilty of making some of those same comments. But at the same time, I really do enjoy going out and having a good meal. That story about the father forcing his son to change his order is horrible. It’s important to help teach our children how to make good choices while eating out, you’re right that it should be an enjoyable experience too. Thanks for the reminder to watch what we say when we’re out!
No problem! Glad you liked the post!!
This is a really great post! And very timely for the new year, too. I grew up in a time where we just ate food. We didn’t have all kinds of ‘diets’ and food fads coming at us from all different directions. So, while I do strive to just eat real food, I’ve never been one to count calories or get obsessive about it. That being said, I do have a 14 year old daughter who is a typical teen with a salty/sweet tooth and making sure to steer her in the direction of eating well. I think it really all comes down to balance. Hopefully, it’s working.
Yes, it is such a fine line between guiding kids and pushing unhealthy thinking patterns on them. I don’t know if I could ever handle the responsibility of influencing a child!
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What a great post I can totally relate to this.
As someone who struggles with an eating disorder I am working very hard to remain healthy I have been doing so well but this guilt is an underlying issue I always feel guilty and feel like I have to defend my choices whether they are healthy or not. when they are healthy I feel like people think I’m going back into my disordered eating .when they are not as healthy I feel as if I am being a pig and feel guilty I just want these terrible thought to go far far away I want to just be able to eat naturally again
You’ll get there! Just keep listening to your body and trying to counteract those negative thoughts. In reality, most people are too concerned with themselves to think about what others are eating. So keep that in mind and know that you’re doing what’s right for you. 🙂