A discussion on emotions, disposition, and really letting yourself feel your authentic feelings. It’s impossible to be happy and positive 100% of the time and we shouldn’t force ourselves to fake it if it’s not truly how we’re feeling.
I need to stay positive. There is so much to be thankful for in the world. My problems aren’t that bad and I shouldn’t worry this much.
Cannot show emotion right now! It’s a weakness and everyone around me seems so put together. Put on that brave face and SMILE.
I’m so drained mentally. I just don’t have the energy combat my negative thoughts today. But I have to! It’s not acceptable to be off my game.
Other people look to me as an example. I can’t let them down by giving into my feelings. Or worse, exposing my flaws.
How many of you out there have had internal dialogue like this before? A constant back and forth argument in your head, a moderation of your thoughts. Judging yourself for what you’re thinking and feeling. Comparing yourself to others and making yourself feel guilty for the things that pass thru your mind.
I think we’ve all been there. I personally have and it’s a struggle I am always working to overcome. It’s one thing to try to reframe your thoughts, not get down on yourself, and to try to maintain a sense of optimism in everyday life. But it’s another thing entirely to beat yourself up for having real emotion and for letting yourself feel ALL the parts of your being.
Often times we focus on cutting ourselves some slack when it comes to things like diet and exercise. So many people preach balance….the 80/20 rule in particular. Basically, everything in moderation. You’re allowed to indulge, you’re allowed to skip a workout when you’re really not feeling it, and you’re allowed to strive for balance…not perfection. All that is great and people are making great strides to be more accepting of their physical health and choices. However, what about mental health? I propose that we should adopt a MENTAL 80/20 rule.
Let’s be honest, you’re not always going to feel on top the world, ready to tackle the day, or motivated to be ‘everything for everyone‘. Somedays you just need a mental health day. A vacation away from your busy mind, racing thoughts, and internal criticism.
So that’s why an 80/20 approach to your thought process could be really beneficial. We work on being kind to ourselves in other areas. So why not do it when it comes to our thoughts?
That’s what they are anyways…just thoughts. The only time they have power is when we dwell on them and react to them. Other than that they’re just fleeting ideas that can’t affect us unless we allow them to.
Negative emotions are useful! They keep us honest…they keep us REAL. It’s not realistic to strive to be happy all the time. It’s like striving for perfection. It just isn’t possible. Learning to sit with your emotions instead of pushing them away or judging yourself for them can make you grow as a person, be more authentic, and empathize with others on a deeper level.
So what does 80/20 for mental health look like?
Maybe it means staying in and skipping a party when you’re just not feeling too social. Other times it may mean pushing yourself to go because you know you’ll have a good time.
Maybe it means calling your mom and having a good cry. You’ll be stronger next time you have to be the listening ear for a friend who has to vent.
Maybe it means letting yourself feel anxious for a test or a dinner out. Next time those feelings will be able to get through because you endured them.
Maybe it means confronting someone who has harmed you in some way, instead of avoiding conflict. Your opinions, your perspectives…they matter.
Maybe it means not putting on a smile just to satisfy those around you. And sometimes it means shaking yourself out of funk by ‘faking it till you make it’.
Our society emphasizes positivity to no end. We’re made to feel bad when we aren’t cheery 24/7. Well I am here to tell you, it’s okay. You have permission to feel down. You have permission feel your emotions. You have permission to be YOU. Every shade, every feeling, every inch of you.
Next time you’re starting to judge one of your thoughts, questioning whether it’s wrong or right, good or bad, STOP. And just let yourself be. I promise, allowing yourself that 20% wiggle room will make you that much happier the other 80% of the time.
So what are your thoughts?
Do you follow the 80/20 rule anywhere in your life?
Do you let yourself really feel ALL your emotions?
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Elsie @ Sharing Healthiness says
Love the message!! I always keep reminding me that health is not just about a healthy body but a healthy mind too. Just as one day you may have a not so good workout, one day you may feel a bit down. It is normal and it is all about learning what made you feel that way and moving on. Every day is a new day and a new opportunity to learn something from the good and the bad! Xx
Healthy Helper says
I totally agree. There is something to learn in EVERY experience!
Holly @ Nut Free Nerd says
I think this is so important!! Letting yourself feel whatever your feeling and not hiding it for the sake of others every once in a while is completely okay, and I think more people need to come to terms with that. Great post!
Healthy Helper says
Thanks Holly!!!
Dixya @ Food, Pleasure, and Health says
like you said, life is really not perfect and there are things that really gets me..lately i have been trying to just let go of things and look at the positive side.
Healthy Helper says
Finding a silver lining can make you feel a lot better! But I also think it’s important to acknowledge that not everything is going to go as planned. And that’s okay!
Rebecca says
great post! Agreed, we should err on the side of positivity but to not neglect our other feelings because they’re real & for a reason right?
Healthy Helper says
Thank you Rebecca!
Mabel @ Ma Bella Vita says
Love the 80/20 rule and it sounds like something I could benefit from if I incorporate it in to my life. thank you for sharing that.
Healthy Helper says
No problem!
Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table says
Right on! I’m 80/20-ing all over my life right now. Making changes really forces you to put things in perspective and let go of the unnecessary pressures!
Healthy Helper says
Thanks Laura! I think it’s a good approach. Much better than my all or nothing ways…
lindsay says
i’m with laura. letting go is needed at times… haha a lot of time for me lately. Great post!
Healthy Helper says
Thanks for reading, Lindsay!! 🙂
Miss Polkadot says
That’s an interesting thought and immediately made my mind drift to what has to one my favourite topics – no, not food. Rather, the one issue I can go on about endlessly and find utterly fascinating are different mentalities in between countries. Here’s the deal with this topic in specific: Germans are -really- good at being grumpy. It’s not usually something to brag about and I appreciate the fact that through blogging I’ve had some of the American positivity rub off on me [or at least I’d like to think so]. But in not hiding negative thoughts or moodiness as much I feel we’re probably getting the advantage of not bottling up our feelings as much. Just today I was in fact having one of ‘those’ days. When my mum called I hesitated for a second only and then just let it all out. I’m still not feeling 100 % but after we hung up I felt at least a bit of emotional ‘weight’ lifted off my mind.
Just like I roughly follow the 80/20 rule for life in general I’d say that yes, it applies for my mental health, too. I won’t bug my coworkers with what’s on my chest or ramble to any and every friend whenever we meet. But I -do- have my outlets. That’s why I can just repeat my offer again: Mail me to rant all you want and let your feelings out any time, girl! You didn’t take up the offer yet but I mean it. Whatever it’s about – I’m German and pretty good at listening and giving advice. Or joining in a rant. (:
Healthy Helper says
I did not know that about Germans! You learn something new everyday! 🙂 And I will take you up on your offer. It’s always nice to know I have some one that will lend me an ear. 🙂
Kaci Cheeseman says
This is such a wonderful and healthy point of perspective! There is such a battle between knowing that it doesn’t serve me to stay in the negativity, but also believing that I must be honoring of my authentic feelings, especially if I want to move past those that don’t serve me well. I try to acknowledging my feelings, but not allow them full control of my actions, then do what I can to pull myself to my best possible frame of mind in each moment. That process looks differently moment to moment, so therefore attempting to judge myself in every single point in time is impossible.
Healthy Helper says
Thank you Kaci!! I am so honored you took the time to read this and that you agree!!
Berni says
you are right, its so important to listen to your mental well being as well as your physical. if you were physically hurting you’d say so and skip the party; so why be ashamed to do it if you are mentally ‘off your game’. These last few years I’ve learnt more and more to be true to myself. I guess 80/20 is about right. I’ll be the life and soul of the party most of the time but sometimes i just have to shut myself away from the world and have a duvet day x
Healthy Helper says
Thanks Berni!! Glad you agree!
Zaleina says
I usually try to avoid any negative feelings. I know it’s a bad habit and your article underlines that. One of my goals for 2018 now!
Healthy Helper says
I try not to avoid ANY feelings. ALL feelings are valid.
Shannon says
Omg I could not agree more! We all need a mental health break!
Healthy Helper says
Thanks Shannon! Glad you agree!